My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
