Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
