if you like me you must not know who I am
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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