I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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