Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
