I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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