Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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