HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
