Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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