11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
