i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
