The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
