dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
