Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
