new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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