ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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