Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
