The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
