So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
