if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
