How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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