Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
