we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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