He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
