Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
