I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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