we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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