You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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