Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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