I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
