Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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