saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize