Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
