The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
