im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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