I think I am morally bankrupt
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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