Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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