True but thats because hes a fetus.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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