He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
