Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
