New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
