found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize