I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You are the jesus of drinking
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
