Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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