The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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