I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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