so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
