Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
