she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
