I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
