Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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