I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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