Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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