I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
