life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
