when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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