did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
