It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
