apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
