I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
