Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
