Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
