I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
