watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize