Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
