She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
