After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
