you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
