Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
