What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
