yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
