this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
