a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The power of my boobs compel you
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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