Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We left an ass print on the piano.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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