'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
