Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
