Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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