i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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