see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A+ Viking dick
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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