I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
