nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
