I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
