like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
