mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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