totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
