My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
