Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
