Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize