don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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