Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
