One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
