Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
