Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize