i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
