so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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