I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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