he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize