What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
