mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
