Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
