We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
