in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
