He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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