ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize