i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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